Freedom or Just Plain Dumb

Four simple words completely crushed me. "So, What's the point." His eyes clarified that he really meant "so what..." Dads have that power.

I had just completed my masters thesis, which I dedicated to my dad. He told me that since he would never get around to reading it anyway and since we were faced with a long, quiet drive from Austin Texas to Las Vegas Nevada, I might as well explain it to him on the road. "And spare no details" he challenged.

Four hours later, I arrived at my triumphant climax and then paused to catch my breath and his response. He paused in solemn reflection. He always enjoyed drama. Then he trumpeted those four words. I took this pretty hard.

I mention this to help explain myself. You see, since I lost dad, I have gained a freedom. I often find myself musing over how I might have pained over what dad would think, but now that he is gone, I don't have to answer to him. In fact, I don't feel like I answer to anyone now. Well, as long as my wife is not reading my blog anyway.

How unfortunate for him and unfair for me to have allowed this drama to partially define our roles. I wish he were still around, so I could redefine things. I know he would want to support me.

I'm sure he'd encourage me to tell him all about it. Then, he'd smile and say "So what."