Lessons Learned the Hard way on Funeral Ceremony

I know the funeral went the way Dad had hoped it would. No fuss, brief informal comments, then plant him. I had heard him give these instructions for years and was pretty prepared to make it so. I am a peach with it still.

Yet, there are a couple of observations that others have shared with me that I want to pass along. Some felt that the short 7 hours separating his death pronouncement and him being buried and gone was too brief. It can take time to get your mind around such a profound loss. Some needed longer. I now think it may make sense to take the full 24 hours the law in Texas allows to bury the body.

Relatedly, two out-of-towners indicated that they would have flown in for the funeral, had we waited until the next day. They would have caught the next plane in to Austin that evening and joined us in our good-byes. I am sure they feel a lack of closure, having missed the funeral.

Also, if children are present, keep in mind that they have no field of experience that tells them how to behave. Throwing bolders in on top of the casket when the shoveling begins is likely to upset some sensitive onlookers, for example. So be sure to help the younger ones know what they can (and should not) do.

Finally, consider that cardboard caskets are, well cardboard. Several people commented that when they go, and we bury them in the family cemetary, they want a wood casket because they had the (in my opinion unfounded) concern that their bodies might somehow burst the seam and come rolling out for a final curtain call. This did not happen to Dad, but it was mentioned as a concern so I pass that along.

The casket came flat packed. I had to insert slot A into flap B and tape corners. I was emotional and this chore proved to be more !challenging than I anticipated. The fact that instead of having on hand clear packing tape I only had duct tape resulted in the casket looking less like a coffin than a ratty shipping crate. Lesson: prepare the casket in advance and hide it until you need it.

Dad had wisely insisted that the grave be excavated in advance. He knew that trying to did it at the time of need was a mistake. He was right. We would still be digging. You can call any local cemetary and ask for a grave digger's number to get this done in advance too. It cost us $200 and was worth every copper Lincoln.

As long as humans are involved, some things will go wrong. But this is also true if you spend tens of thousands outsourcing death and burial. But for our first green burial and family funeral, I think we did just fine, thank you very much!