Dad was against embalming, said it was just plain unnatural. He also did not want a big deal viewing of his body, saying, "When I'm gone, that's it. No reason to look at the shell that held me."
We wrapped him in his death bed sheets and hoisted him into a biodegradable cardboard cremation casket that we had situated on a cot in the living room of his house. My sister, brother and I did this ourselves. While lifting your beloved's dead body may seem beyond you, and it may be, I have to tell you it was oddly therapeutic for us. We felt as though it was an act of nurturing and caregiving. I am so thankful that we did not have someone doing things to my dad. It was just the family.
Once the sun was setting, we carried the cot with casket to the grave site. The box was placed above the opening on three wooden slats, where it was suspended as we each said our good-byes. More on that ceremony later. We lowered the box and then took a 10 minute break.
When we reconveined, we began the wake, or party celebrating his life. It was now dark and as per his final wishes, we played Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. Each family member had an opportunity to man a shovel and help return the hole to nature. We drank beer, soft drinks, a special spirit my dad invented that he called the Natalia (after my wife, who loved the cocktail), and took turns on the labor.
Many stories, anecdotes and humor graced our time together. I don't ever remember feeling closer to family than in that moment. It was a meaningful connection.
What has happened to our society? We are no longer connected to the most significant events in anyone's life. Birth, Death, Mourning, all outsourced to "experts" who couldn't possibly feel as connected tot he event as family. Sometimes going backwards is really going forward. Here's to the old ways: Midwives and dad's helping mom bring life in, family creating meaningful green burials and the closest people you know throwing a wake of a party when you are really hurting. thanks dad for teaching me that.
We wrapped him in his death bed sheets and hoisted him into a biodegradable cardboard cremation casket that we had situated on a cot in the living room of his house. My sister, brother and I did this ourselves. While lifting your beloved's dead body may seem beyond you, and it may be, I have to tell you it was oddly therapeutic for us. We felt as though it was an act of nurturing and caregiving. I am so thankful that we did not have someone doing things to my dad. It was just the family.
Once the sun was setting, we carried the cot with casket to the grave site. The box was placed above the opening on three wooden slats, where it was suspended as we each said our good-byes. More on that ceremony later. We lowered the box and then took a 10 minute break.
When we reconveined, we began the wake, or party celebrating his life. It was now dark and as per his final wishes, we played Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. Each family member had an opportunity to man a shovel and help return the hole to nature. We drank beer, soft drinks, a special spirit my dad invented that he called the Natalia (after my wife, who loved the cocktail), and took turns on the labor.
Many stories, anecdotes and humor graced our time together. I don't ever remember feeling closer to family than in that moment. It was a meaningful connection.
What has happened to our society? We are no longer connected to the most significant events in anyone's life. Birth, Death, Mourning, all outsourced to "experts" who couldn't possibly feel as connected tot he event as family. Sometimes going backwards is really going forward. Here's to the old ways: Midwives and dad's helping mom bring life in, family creating meaningful green burials and the closest people you know throwing a wake of a party when you are really hurting. thanks dad for teaching me that.
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