Step 5: Hospice

Soon my dad began to experience pain. He's pretty tough and would not let on much about this. But my sister is very tuned in to his needs and realized that he would benefit from some pain relief beyond tylenol. Since he is terminal, she thought he mignt qualify for Hospice care. She was right.

Convincing dad to meet with hospice was a bit more challenging than other aspects of our journey. He was suspicious of their motives and doubted their collective competence too. "Lisa, Princess," he told my sister, "I don't need any help dying, and I damn sure don't need it from anyone who stands to make a buck on me."

He also resisted the idea of losing any mental clarity that could result from being doped up too. But as his conditon worsened he agreed to allow Lisa to look further into hospice. That is where he found a new partner in his journey.

His hospice nurse met and quickly bonded with the old grump. She was a lovely lady in her latter 20's with a brief history in the Army. She had a soothing way of easing his burdens and calming his angst. It did not take long for the two to become close and trusted friends.

Soon dad explained our plans for the home burial and family cemetery. Nursey-pooh (that was dad’s nickname for her) said she could help us with this. In fact, she explained that she had done a home funeral and family cemetery burial once before. Voila, we had a guide of sorts. She would prove to be dad’s guardian angel of death, to mix two expressions.

When dad caught pneumonia last winter and almost kicked, we all gave some thought to the actual digging of the grave. Since we were not going to use embalming fluid or ice to chill the body (as per dad’s wishes) we would need to get him underground pronto. The law in Texas says you have only 24 hours if you don’t embalm or chill. Don’t know how long it takes to dig a grave, but it would take longer when everyone is crying. Luckily he pulled through so we did not have to find out.

Just the same, after his recovery he could not let go of the need for a better plan for the digging of the grave itself.